Pensive (adj) - "engaged in, involving, or reflecting deep or serious thought"
Okay... here's the truth: I'm just like you.
I'm dejected, moody and most of all... pensive.
I've been this way since my days on Ninth Street when I was just trying to make sense of the world. There was an uneasy feeling every time you stepped outside, not knowing what you were going to see. Life was, and remains, a gamble. You tell yourself that home is your safety net in this environment... that is until an attempted robbery happens.
The day of your sister's graduation, too.
Before I made it to the sixth grade, I experienced five significant deaths:
- My cousin was murdered before my third birthday.
- My grandmother and uncle passed away in Queens on Flight 587.
- A murder happened at a friend's birthday party in fifth grade. Bonus points for getting to see the sheet over the body before I went home in shock.
- My friend is killed by a reckless driver the same summer of that party.
I hadn't even entered my teenage years and yet, here I was: grieving and processing so many losses as a child.
This doesn't even include the police presence on my block from drug dealers on the corner or the violence that permeated around me. There were robberies gone bad that led to murder, abuse of women and assault on the elderly all happening on the block I called "Home." And here I am... processing my own losses while witnessing more along the way.
So I am just like you: constantly processing & searching for answers.
Simply hoping for a better tomorrow.
But it's certainly hard to Let Go.